Morning Edition 2026-09-23 Price: Free, Obviously

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Fucking Stupid

A newspaper for the obvious

From the archive · 2026-09-23 ← Today's edition

Domestic Affairs

Utility Bills Household for the Fifth It Stopped Using

Portland General Electric's residential customers used 20% less electricity in 2024 than in 2000 and paid 141% more for it. The appliances worked. The savings were collected by the unit price.

By Hollis Carver

Domestic Affairs

Flushing the Toilet Declares War on the Shower; a $40 Valve Brokers Peace

The scald when someone flushes is not a quirk of old pipes. It is an unregulated pressure split, and it has a standard part number.

By M. Plumb

Domestic Affairs

The Smell Arrives Before the Stain, Because You Are Smelling the Microbes Themselves

The musty note in the bathroom is not a nuisance to mask. It is an early-warning chemical signal, and your nose is absurdly good at reading it.

By Vera Stipple

The Kitchen Desk

Cook Carries Egg Up Mountain, Discovers Water Has Stopped Trying

Water boils cooler as you climb, so the seven minutes that produced a hard egg at the trailhead produces a raw one at the summit. The pot is not the problem. The sky is.

By R. Dunmore

The Parlour

Selected Ghost Readings, and the Shelf That Would Catch Us Out

A reading list rather than an argument. Eight filings from the register that between them predict most of the rest, and the secondary literature the register was built from — including the book it went to for the bedsheet and came back from empty-handed.

By Constance Tally

Domestic Affairs

Under Your Sink Sits a Maintenance Event Nobody Disclosed at Purchase

It is not a hygiene failure. It is a five-to-ten-year putty replacement that shipped with the sink and was never written down.

By Vera Stipple

Diversions · Puzzle of the Day

Today's Maze

Trace a path from START to EXIT. Difficulty: Gentle. Pen, not pencil — we believe in you.

Attempt it →

The Sections