Morning Edition 2026-09-24 Price: Free, Obviously

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Fucking Stupid

A newspaper for the obvious

From the archive · 2026-09-24 ← Today's edition

Domestic Affairs

Utility Bills Household for the Fifth It Stopped Using

Portland General Electric's residential customers used 20% less electricity in 2024 than in 2000 and paid 141% more for it. The appliances worked. The savings were collected by the unit price.

By Hollis Carver

Domestic Affairs

The Smoke Alarm Waits for the House to Get Cold Before It Begs for a Battery

The low-battery chirp at three in the morning is not coincidence and not malice. It is physics: a marginal battery, a falling temperature, and a threshold crossed while you sleep.

By M. Plumb

The Parlour

Brains Were Invented in 1985, in a Comedy, and Nobody Has Checked Since

Eight rulings graded against the register: the head shot is the best-supported rule on either seasonal page, nobody has ever agreed on the cause, and the single most confidently known fact about the zombie arrives seventeen years after the founding film in a picture that was joking.

By Casimir Vane

Domestic Affairs

The Smell Arrives Before the Stain, Because You Are Smelling the Microbes Themselves

The musty note in the bathroom is not a nuisance to mask. It is an early-warning chemical signal, and your nose is absurdly good at reading it.

By Vera Stipple

The Kitchen Desk

You Are Paying a Stranger to Cut a Block of Cheese Into Sticks

Build a week of grab-and-go snacks yourself on Sunday, once you know how long each piece actually keeps.

By R. Dunmore

Domestic Affairs

Under Your Sink Sits a Maintenance Event Nobody Disclosed at Purchase

It is not a hygiene failure. It is a five-to-ten-year putty replacement that shipped with the sink and was never written down.

By Vera Stipple

Diversions · Puzzle of the Day

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