Morning Edition 2026-08-26 Price: Free, Obviously

The Daily

Fucking Stupid

A newspaper for the obvious

From the archive · 2026-08-26 ← Today's edition

The Kitchen Desk

The Recipe Calls for Half an Onion and Files the Other Half Under Your Problem

Recipes are written in units the store does not sell. Here is what to do with the difference.

By R. Dunmore

The Kitchen Desk

You Are Paying a Stranger to Cut a Block of Cheese Into Sticks

Build a week of grab-and-go snacks yourself on Sunday, once you know how long each piece actually keeps.

By R. Dunmore

From the Editor's Desk

We Regret to Report the Laundry Is Eternal, and Have Drawn the Obvious Conclusion

Every other problem in the house yields to owning less. One does not. We checked it against the definition of Hell and regret the match.

By The Editor

Domestic Affairs

Editor Locates Hell in the Hamper; This Desk Locates the Thermostat.

You cannot end the laundry. You can stop making decisions inside it: one wash class, one buffer quantity, one identical load, forever.

By Iris Petty

Domestic Affairs

The Smoke Alarm Waits for the House to Get Cold Before It Begs for a Battery

The low-battery chirp at three in the morning is not coincidence and not malice. It is physics: a marginal battery, a falling temperature, and a threshold crossed while you sleep.

By M. Plumb

Diversions

Public Works: A Story in Eighteen Panels, Told at One Panel Per Week

The paper's first comic strip. It is silent, it is weekly, and it concerns a routine municipal inspection. We are told it has an ending. We have chosen to trust the process.

By The Editor

Diversions · Puzzle of the Day

Word Search

Eight words are hidden in the grid below. Find them. They are in there. We checked.

Attempt it →

The Sections