Morning Edition 2026-10-26 Price: Free, Obviously

The Daily

Fucking Stupid

A newspaper for the obvious

From the archive · 2026-10-26 ← Today's edition

The Kitchen Desk

The Recipe Calls for Half an Onion and Files the Other Half Under Your Problem

Recipes are written in units the store does not sell. Here is what to do with the difference.

By R. Dunmore

The Parlour

The Ten Halloween Films for the Whole House, Ranked

Ten films the whole house can watch, G to PG-13, one joke apiece, ranked.

By Constance Tally

The Kitchen Desk

You Are Paying a Stranger to Cut a Block of Cheese Into Sticks

Build a week of grab-and-go snacks yourself on Sunday, once you know how long each piece actually keeps.

By R. Dunmore

Domestic Affairs

Your Sheet Was Sized for a Mattress That Left the Market in 1995

The corner that pops off at 3 a.m. is not a tucking failure. It is a sizing standard that quietly stopped matching the mattress it is sold to cover.

By Hollis Carver

The Parlour

What Two Hundred and Sixty Years of Haunted Property Establishes, and the Burial Ground With No Source on File

Seven rulings graded against the register: the price was the disclosure, the building wants a caretaker rather than an occupant, and the best inspection on file was of a cabinet.

By Casimir Vane

The Kitchen Desk

Cook Discovers He Has Been Paying for Water He Already Owned

Stock is not a recipe. It is the refusal to throw out the parts of dinner that still have a job to do.

By R. Dunmore

Diversions · Puzzle of the Day

Sudoku

Fill every row, column, and box with the digits 1 through 9. A single unique solution exists.

Attempt it →

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