Morning Edition 2026-10-11 Price: Free, Obviously

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Fucking Stupid

A newspaper for the obvious

From the archive · 2026-10-11 ← Today's edition

The Kitchen Desk

Tonight's Dinner Volunteers to Become Half of Tomorrow's Before You've Sat Down

The second meal is cheaper, faster, and better, but only if you design it into the first one tonight, while the oven is already hot.

By R. Dunmore

Domestic Affairs

Flushing the Toilet Declares War on the Shower; a $40 Valve Brokers Peace

The scald when someone flushes is not a quirk of old pipes. It is an unregulated pressure split, and it has a standard part number.

By M. Plumb

Domestic Affairs

Eight Hundred Dollars Buys a Titanium Case for a Cartoon Beagle

It costs a good deal more than peanuts, and the Peanuts are the only reason to pay it.

By Hollis Carver

From the Editor's Desk

A Note on Why This Paper Has No Breaking News, and Never Will

We do not cover what is new. We cover what was always true and somehow never written down. This is a policy, not an oversight.

By The Editor

The Parlour

Selected Mad-Science Readings, and the One Book Here to Be Refused

A reading list rather than an argument: eight filings from the register that between them predict most of the rest, and the secondary literature the register was built from.

By Constance Tally

The Kitchen Desk

Cook Discovers He Has Been Paying for Water He Already Owned

Stock is not a recipe. It is the refusal to throw out the parts of dinner that still have a job to do.

By R. Dunmore

Diversions · Puzzle of the Day

Today's Maze

Trace a path from START to EXIT. Difficulty: Gentle. Pen, not pencil — we believe in you.

Attempt it →

The Sections